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Sunday, May 17, 2015


Its been over a year since my last post. A lot has happened. Life got crazy. Then it got even crazier. There has been some ups and there has most undeniably been some downs. But in the end I have survived and made it through another year. Now its been two years since I have been with the same person and I have to say he makes me truly happy. I couldn't imagine a better life without him. We have had some bumps in our road together but nothing that we haven't been able to work though.Life as I know it has and always will be forever changed. And I would never ask for it to go back to the way it was.

My faith has been shaken by God. I now understand how it feels when a parent out lives their child. I may not have had the chance to bring my child full term and alive in this world but for seventy days I was a mother. A mother who was completely and utterly over joyed and in love with my child that was growing inside me. I found out that I was having a little boy from the levels of male hormones in my system. Charles Patrick Wiedel. My Little Charlie. Even as I write this I feel the pain in my heart from his loss. I know there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Though the reason for this its...Its unimaginable. The doctors say it was due to a genetic or chromosomal deformity that caused my little baby's heart to stop beating and him growing inside me.

But this will not be the end. We will try again. And I am more determined then ever to make sure nothing goes wrong. I have always dreamed of having a family of my own. A husband, a child (hopefully two, a boy and a girl), and some pets in a place to call our own. Of course, we are working our way there. Planning to try again to get pregnant. Planning a Christmas wedding. And discussing were we'll live.

For now, we are taking it one day at a time and planning the next time we see each other. Which will hopefully be in August. Praying I get my old job back so I can afford to go. If not it may be September or October. This is were I will start pushing the bad of the last year behind me and look forward to the good that is still yet to come in the coming year.

Always remember to smile and tell those close to you how much you love them. Because take it from me, they can be gone in a blink of an eye.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

The Beginning But Never The End

So I started over last year. I left everything I knew and was comfortable with behind and moved to a whole new state. Not just a new city, but another state. I was in a rotten place with horrible people and it seemed as hard as I tried I could never escape. So I gave up a good job with people I loved to work with and moved out of state. Partly to be close to my parents again, but mostly...I don't know...Mostly to start over. Have a fresh start. Make a new life and a new name for myself. Things may have started out rough in the beginning but a few months ago I was presented with a great opportunity and I jumped on it.

So you are probably wondering what the opportunity was. Well, I was offered a job at an insurance company and the managing agent offered to pay for all the study materials and training for me to get my licenses. She even offered to pay for the tests. Yes there are two licenses and two tests I have to take to become a full fledged agent who can sale all lines of insurance. So I have been studying and working towards doing just that, becoming a full fledged again who sales all lines of insurance.

Now most don't realize just how many lines of insurance there is. Well, let me give you a brief lesson if you would allow. Your first license is called Property and Casualty. Your second license is Life and Health. Health of course covers your illnesses and such. Life covers you if you die. Property is your business, home and belongings. And Casualty is your catch all, though it mostly covers autos. So, that was your lesson for the day. Aren't you glad you sat here and read all this boring stuff?
Anyways, back on topic. As I said I had decided to start my life over somewhere new. I did the same thing for a year after I moved here that I was doing before I moved here. But not now. Now I am trying to improve my life and even improve myself. I read a blog recently that really inspired me, The Militant Baker. She is an amazing writer and very inspiring. I guess you can say she inspired me to put my thoughts down on "paper" and stop holding them in. Who cares what I think really. I am doing this for me and not for anyone else.

I have been really distracted lately and thought that maybe if I got my jumbled up thoughts and feelings out there that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to focus on something. Mostly my studies. I was doing good there for a while but these last two weeks, I find myself wondering off in my mind. Why? I have no idea. What am I thinking of? Lots of things really. But there will be more to come later. For now I should wrap this up and myself up and go to bed. Its 10:20 at night and my body is screaming at me to go curl up in that big ol' bed with my dogs and cats and find that sweet serenity of sleep.

So for now, I bid you all ado and sweet nightmares. Why nightmares you say? Because there is nothing more exhilarating then to have your own personal horror movie in your mind. Granted you all may not be as twisted as I am about horror movies, so, for those of you who are. Ado and Sweet Dreams to you. To others, Ado and Sweet Nightmares.

By the way...I love spell check.