Its been over a year since my last post. A lot has happened. Life got crazy. Then it got even crazier. There has been some ups and there has most undeniably been some downs. But in the end I have survived and made it through another year. Now its been two years since I have been with the same person and I have to say he makes me truly happy. I couldn't imagine a better life without him. We have had some bumps in our road together but nothing that we haven't been able to work though.Life as I know it has and always will be forever changed. And I would never ask for it to go back to the way it was.
My faith has been shaken by God. I now understand how it feels when a parent out lives their child. I may not have had the chance to bring my child full term and alive in this world but for seventy days I was a mother. A mother who was completely and utterly over joyed and in love with my child that was growing inside me. I found out that I was having a little boy from the levels of male hormones in my system. Charles Patrick Wiedel. My Little Charlie. Even as I write this I feel the pain in my heart from his loss. I know there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Though the reason for this its...Its unimaginable. The doctors say it was due to a genetic or chromosomal deformity that caused my little baby's heart to stop beating and him growing inside me.
But this will not be the end. We will try again. And I am more determined then ever to make sure nothing goes wrong. I have always dreamed of having a family of my own. A husband, a child (hopefully two, a boy and a girl), and some pets in a place to call our own. Of course, we are working our way there. Planning to try again to get pregnant. Planning a Christmas wedding. And discussing were we'll live.
For now, we are taking it one day at a time and planning the next time we see each other. Which will hopefully be in August. Praying I get my old job back so I can afford to go. If not it may be September or October. This is were I will start pushing the bad of the last year behind me and look forward to the good that is still yet to come in the coming year.
Always remember to smile and tell those close to you how much you love them. Because take it from me, they can be gone in a blink of an eye.
